Thinspo, Journal Entry

As you know, I work in the restaurant industry - what you didn't know is that I also have a part-time job where I tutor. Basically all I do is read or watch "diary/journal" entries done by college students in Asia. I correct their English and make a little video response so they can hear what "American English" sounds like. Apparently being a native English speaker is really marketable over there... because I've had a ton of job offers. ANYWAY. The point is that one of the journal entries was this, and it broke my heart.

"Friday night
Cloudy

I felt jealous when Youn-ju called me to invite me to her wedding ceremony and ask me to catch her bouquet... when she was an university student, she was so fat that my friends, including me, couldn't imagine she would date with someone. However, after graduating from the university, she made desperate efforts to lose her weight. And her efforts were, finally, rewarded. When I met her after a long time, I couldn't even recognize her... I was so surprised that she became slim and looked... totally different. She told me that she became confident in herself and are ready to met someone. And then, she made it! At last, she is thin, so she came to meet a really nice guy! ...it makes me feel confused. Of course, I'm happy... nevertheless, I find myself absentminded now. I can't concentrate on my work. I become worried that I might not get married in one or two years. Do I have to lose weight like her?"

It's strange to feel a connection with someone you've never met or seen before. In this one little diary entry from someone across the world, I feel like I've found a friend. I'm so glad I've decided to embrace what the Internet has to offer, both in the line of social interaction and careers.

Current weight: 133.0lbs / 60.3kg

I can't believe I'm only 10lbs away from 120lbs! I haven't weighed this much since I was young. I'm still a teenager, but y'know what I mean. I'm also half way to my long term goal. I'm feeling pretty good.

I wanted to shoot myself when I stepped on the scale Halloween morning and saw 131.0lbs. I wanted so badly to be 130.0lbs! The feeling passed quickly, and I almost wanted to thank my scale. It was showing me something. It was a message. I need to try harder. I need to restrict more. I can do better. I'm stronger than that. Not even the holiday season will stand in my way. If I can survive Halloween without gaining a pound, then Thanksgiving and Christmas should pose no challenge.

The big difference is that I celebrated Halloween with friends. At a big party it was easy to jump from group to group and make it look like I had been snacking up and down. Thanksgiving and Christmas are celebrated with my family. I haven't really decided how I'm going to jump this hurdle yet. When I figure it out, I'll share my advice with everyone.

Thinspo theme is... legs! One of my favorite. [: