I took a big break! I went out of the country for Thanksgiving so sorry that it took me so long to reappear. Avoiding that holiday feast was a witch but I managed my way around it.
Current weight: 124.8lbs / 56.6 kg
Trying to aim for high calorie, small portion foods. Small calorie small portion foods are even better, but given the choice I'd rather have something that weighs less and has more calories than something that's bigger with less calories.
A few days before Thanksgiving I started complaining about stomach problems. I tried to make it pretty obvious around whoever I was with. I'd spend time in the bathroom reading a magazine or texting while I flushed an empty toliet a few times. I griped about having the runs and throwing up a few times... and my friends even swore I had a fever and looked like crap (thanks, guys. I guess they were just worried about me.)
Current weight: 124.8lbs / 56.6 kg
Trying to aim for high calorie, small portion foods. Small calorie small portion foods are even better, but given the choice I'd rather have something that weighs less and has more calories than something that's bigger with less calories.
A few days before Thanksgiving I started complaining about stomach problems. I tried to make it pretty obvious around whoever I was with. I'd spend time in the bathroom reading a magazine or texting while I flushed an empty toliet a few times. I griped about having the runs and throwing up a few times... and my friends even swore I had a fever and looked like crap (thanks, guys. I guess they were just worried about me.)
When it came time to feast my excuse was already well in the works. I filled up a plate with food just as normal and had a few glasses of cranberry juice. I pushed the food around on my plate and even whined about running out of gravy. In the end I didn't eat a bite of it and my family went, "Well at least tried to eat a plate of food. Finishing half isn't bad. Let us know if you can keep it down."
Flawless victory. I try to waste most of my calorie allowance on liquids... and my new rule is to not eat anything unless certain conditions are met. It's working fantastically - better than anything else has before. Here are the rules:
1. It has to be free. I'm not paying for food ever again. This is also a great excuse to get out of eating. "Oh, I don't have the money." "I get paid tomorrow." "I can't afford to go out and eat."
2. It has to be offered to me. I never instigate a food endeavor. I always wait for a friend to suggest going out to eat, or an aunt to ask me if I want some of her cookies. On top of that, I always decline the first time. Not only is it the thing to do in Western culture, but sometimes people buy it and drop the topic.
3. I have to have be hungry. Some of you are probably rolling your eyes. "But I'm always hungry." I mean that I need to be literally physically hungry. Stomach burning, feeling a little weak, grumbling belly... everyone knows how they feel when they need to eat. There's a difference between craving chocolate because it tastes good and needing a sandwich because your body craves the fuel.
1. It has to be free. I'm not paying for food ever again. This is also a great excuse to get out of eating. "Oh, I don't have the money." "I get paid tomorrow." "I can't afford to go out and eat."
2. It has to be offered to me. I never instigate a food endeavor. I always wait for a friend to suggest going out to eat, or an aunt to ask me if I want some of her cookies. On top of that, I always decline the first time. Not only is it the thing to do in Western culture, but sometimes people buy it and drop the topic.
3. I have to have be hungry. Some of you are probably rolling your eyes. "But I'm always hungry." I mean that I need to be literally physically hungry. Stomach burning, feeling a little weak, grumbling belly... everyone knows how they feel when they need to eat. There's a difference between craving chocolate because it tastes good and needing a sandwich because your body craves the fuel.
4. I have to love it. This applies for everything from now on, just like number one does. If I'm going to put it inside of me and risk all the calories, fat, weight, and stress... then it better be super delicious and exactly the way I like it. If there's something I don't like about it then that's just another excuse for me to stop eating it.
Following these rules means that I've fasted here and there for a day or two because all the conditions aren't met. I feel like I'll be eating a lot less as time goes forward too because my friends are already tired of having to pay for me and buy me a meal that I really like. [:
There are days when I've eaten a lot more than I have in a while (yesterday is a good example, Denny's oatmeal in the morning and a steak in the evening) but the non-eating days make up for it in my mind.
I'll post pictures of my progress soon. For those of you who found me on MySpace, you already know how jazzed I am. Seeing myself in pictures amazes me now. I look pretty good. I'm becoming photogenic because I'm not worried about how I'll look from what angle. I used to hate seeing pictures of myself because it'd just make me realize how big I was or how dumb certain clothes looked on me. Not anymore! Thank you, self-appointed eating issues.
I have a feeling I'm going to rub a few people the wrong way, but hey, it's the Internet. While I'm on the subject: when I first started down this path I ran into a lot of big red text that said something like, "Anorexia (or insert other eating disorder) is a disease. You can't get it. If you're here to figure out how to be anorexic, leave because that's impossible." I'm not sure why people were saying it, but I have several theories.
1. They're elitists. Every group has them.
2. They're in recovery and scared of triggers. If this is the case, then more power to you. Do whatever you can to stay on track and keep people who ask about your eating habits away from you.
3. They've actually been diagnosed, so they use the terminology as a coping mechanism. It's a lot easier to say "oh man, I have this illness and if I just do these things then I'll recover" than it is to admit to yourself that you probably have self-image issues and need time to figure out how to deal with that.
4. In my limited experience, I've learned that people tweak with their eating habits for a lot of reasons. Some do it for attention. Some have suicidal tendencies. Some are so busy that they don't realize they're potentially "anorexic." Some just want to lose weight and they can't figure out a diet that works fast enough for them. Whatever the case, maybe some of these red text people are in the attention category. They want to make it obvious that this is loldangerous and loladisease and loldeadly.
5. Of course, there are the people who are being knowledgeable and experienced. But I don't understand why they would want to plaster this information all over their page. If you think it's a disease you can't "get," why warn people away from it?
As a footnote: yes, I realize in all seriousness that it very well can be deadly and is considered a disease. I'm not trying to make fun of that. If I were, I would just throw the number four people in the self-injury/attention seeking category and be done with it. I do have to say that I respect the number fours. There are a lot easier, less painful, not-as-long-term options that would get the same results. (Like walking up to someone and saying, "I'm not having a good day. Can we talk?") You guys have a lot of drive.
What do you think? Why do the red texters do what they do?
Thinspo! Before and after pictures.
There are days when I've eaten a lot more than I have in a while (yesterday is a good example, Denny's oatmeal in the morning and a steak in the evening) but the non-eating days make up for it in my mind.
I'll post pictures of my progress soon. For those of you who found me on MySpace, you already know how jazzed I am. Seeing myself in pictures amazes me now. I look pretty good. I'm becoming photogenic because I'm not worried about how I'll look from what angle. I used to hate seeing pictures of myself because it'd just make me realize how big I was or how dumb certain clothes looked on me. Not anymore! Thank you, self-appointed eating issues.
I have a feeling I'm going to rub a few people the wrong way, but hey, it's the Internet. While I'm on the subject: when I first started down this path I ran into a lot of big red text that said something like, "Anorexia (or insert other eating disorder) is a disease. You can't get it. If you're here to figure out how to be anorexic, leave because that's impossible." I'm not sure why people were saying it, but I have several theories.
1. They're elitists. Every group has them.
2. They're in recovery and scared of triggers. If this is the case, then more power to you. Do whatever you can to stay on track and keep people who ask about your eating habits away from you.
3. They've actually been diagnosed, so they use the terminology as a coping mechanism. It's a lot easier to say "oh man, I have this illness and if I just do these things then I'll recover" than it is to admit to yourself that you probably have self-image issues and need time to figure out how to deal with that.
4. In my limited experience, I've learned that people tweak with their eating habits for a lot of reasons. Some do it for attention. Some have suicidal tendencies. Some are so busy that they don't realize they're potentially "anorexic." Some just want to lose weight and they can't figure out a diet that works fast enough for them. Whatever the case, maybe some of these red text people are in the attention category. They want to make it obvious that this is loldangerous and loladisease and loldeadly.
5. Of course, there are the people who are being knowledgeable and experienced. But I don't understand why they would want to plaster this information all over their page. If you think it's a disease you can't "get," why warn people away from it?
As a footnote: yes, I realize in all seriousness that it very well can be deadly and is considered a disease. I'm not trying to make fun of that. If I were, I would just throw the number four people in the self-injury/attention seeking category and be done with it. I do have to say that I respect the number fours. There are a lot easier, less painful, not-as-long-term options that would get the same results. (Like walking up to someone and saying, "I'm not having a good day. Can we talk?") You guys have a lot of drive.
What do you think? Why do the red texters do what they do?
Thinspo! Before and after pictures.
